4 Reminders When Sharing Kids During The Holidays

 
Updated 12.21.22

I understand how sharing children with another parent, especially over the holidays can present unique challenges. 

When it comes to planning the holiday time in particular, tensions rise during this time of year as pressures to wrap up end of the year and preparing for a new year and wanting to have a “normal” holiday time becomes top priority for many of us. 

| Also read: 7 Ways You Can Get Ahead of Holiday Stress

In all the hustle, we can easily forget that these times are not just about the kids and how well you parent and plan for them to make transitions seamless, but it's also about you too!

Gone are the days of dreading holidays. I now know that I get to experience the best of both worlds, with and without the kids!

4 Reminders When Sharing Kids During the Holidays

1. A holiday is still…a day.

The moment I allowed myself to accept that I could have a holiday with my child on any day of the week, at any time I designated, it freed me to relax during the 'negotiation process' of determining which holiday, what time, and who goes where.

What matters most is assuring the kids that whether they are returning or about to leave, you will have your holiday time with them. This will help them experience their time with the other parent without worrying about your time with them (because believe it or not, they care about how you feel when they are away from you). I let go of making the holi-DAY a big deal or a deal-breaker for me.

2. Planning ahead makes the process less tense. 

Whether you have strict guidelines, more flexible guidelines of a custody-visitation order, or no order at all, save yourself some time, energy, and tension by providing the dates to the other parent as far in advance as possible.

I've had years where I decided it made more sense to let the other parent have a holiday for consecutive years if it better fit my child’s schedule, took the desires of the other parent and my child into consideration, or simply worked best for me.

3. It's O.K. to have a holiday to myself!

While I did miss my kids, I filled my time by enjoying the company of family and friends. During their visits with the other parent, I focused on crafting, writing, painting, reading, and resting. These moments of personal time allowed me to explore my passions and recharge. Taking care of myself during these breaks enhanced my ability to be a present and fulfilled parent when my kids were back in my care.

4. Pressuring myself about gifts for Christmas is pointless. 

I used to feel bad if I didn't have the money to buy the exact gift they wanted. This went on for several years when my kids were much younger.

Between my family and their other extended family, I came to realize that it wasn't necessary.

Furthermore, there are numerous programs available that aim to provide gifts for children. These resources can be especially helpful if you're parenting alone.

What are some ways you work through your shared holiday time? 

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2022