This morning, I woke up to a revelational approach in my thinking that caught my attention as I was reflecting on what I was feeling in the moment. I'd like to unpack some of it here because there was a strong sense of understanding, calm and peace that came with the thought process. I strive not to ignore these moments and quickly captured it for this post.
As we have, culturally, shifted into exploring more ways to fit our unique directions in life and desire for self-development, "becoming and being" who we are, has taken on a new meaning for many of us. This work cannot be complete without first knowing "where we currently are", in our emotions. We don't know where we currently are if we are not allowing ourselves to feel.
How you feel, matters.
How we respond is usually where much of the debate and variation in opinions come as we are all experiencing life from so many different perspectives. I'm not here to debate how we respond to the feelings. I'm here in this moment to offer an idea that there are some core feelings that present themselves as more prominent depending on the season of life you are in.
I want to share 3 core feelings that I have either wrestled with as well as also have had some progress in my rationale in working with them.
Feeling Safe
Thought: "I don't feel safe".
Example:
As a Black and Latino single mother, my sense of safety and safety for my children over the more recent few years has been challenged greatly. The facts are evidently clear that people of color have a higher chance of experiencing injustices that could easily end their lives. With this, comes a great sense of responsibility to protect myself and children. The problem with this is that the level of responsibility needed to ensure this level of safety is more than what one person can do on their own. This then can easily become a cycle of fear that can keep me closed off from people and the world, which comes at the cost of closing off from the good things too.
When I feel safe:
Ultimately, I am learning that feeling safe is first an inside job. It starts when I wake up in the morning and see that I am alive. From here, I can think through the reality of how I plan to move about my day and let that determine what level of alertness I truly need to have. I understand the anything unexpected can happen, but I'd rather assess safety in increments than take on and embody fear.
Feeling Beautiful
Thought: "I don't feel beautiful".
Example:
It's not always about what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I don't feel beautiful when I have worked harder than I am aware of at the time and feel burned out. This eventually leads to forgetting self-care. Prolonged time away from self-care and care for the body makes me feel not beautiful.
When I feel beautiful:
Feeling beautiful is also an inside job. The times I felt the most beautiful, it wasn't because something changed in my appearance or what I wore. It was because I first admired my character such as how I love. I have ways to express to others to let them know they are loved. When I do more of this, I am able to see my physical self as beautiful and flawed and nothing about my flaws bother me at all!
Feeling Purposeful
Thought: "I don't feel like anything I do matters".
Example:
Getting caught up in if anyone is seeing posts, engaging with things I write or even receiving rejections on new projects I pursue can make the routine work feel like there isn't any movement or momentum. When I look at my bank account and equate all my work to whether I made money doing it, easily traps me into feeling like I don't know my purpose, or that maybe I got it wrong.
The times I felt my purpose, are the moments when I recalled the reasons why I made changes to any part of my life in the first place. It's my values, and the breaking away from unhealthy cycles of actions that weren't aligned well with the direction of life I wanted to live. It was never about my bank account but about the belief that all my gifts would "make room for me". I'd much rather move in my gifts than in what trends or culture demands. When I remind myself of this, purpose comes alive again.
To pull this all together, to feel anything, it's an inside job first. Anytime I have placed too much emphasis on the outside, I have been out of alignment with myself. Overall, I think we all know this, but I hope that by sharing my personal examples, you too are able to realign yourself with your feelings and how valuable they are. I spent many years of my life thinking that emotions and feelings were connected to weakness. I was wrong! It's connected to self-discovery.
I have gathered a few other supporting articles you may also be interested in.
6 Things To Remember On Days You Don’t Feel Beautiful | by Soumya John | Medium
The Importance of Feeling Safe - Wellness, Disease Prevention, And Stress Reduction Information (mentalhelp.net)
Start Finding Your Purpose and Unlock Your Best Life (betterup.com)
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